VERNAL, UT — As budget cuts continue to eviscerate the National Weather Service, officials of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have announced a spiritually innovative yet historically grounded solution: a return to 19th-century weather forecasting via divining rods — or, as they’re now branding them, the “Rod of Aaron™.”
“By receiving counsel from our rods, we’re simply following revelation,” said Elder Brent H. Wheelwright, spokesperson for the Quorum of the Twelve. “Doctrine and Covenants Section 8 makes it clear: if it worked for Oliver Cowdery, it can work for AccuWeather.”
In Mormon scripture, Cowdery famously used what was referred to as the “Rod of Nature” or “Rod of Aaron” to receive divine communication on the location of natural water sources, treasure and radar images of Mormon Cricket infestations. Now, that sacred tradition is being revived — this time mormons will receive counsel from their rods to predict wind chill and determine whether stake pioneer reenactment treks should be rescheduled.
“We see this as part of the ongoing Restoration,” explained Elder Dallin H. Oaks. “First, the priesthood keys. Then the temple endowment. Now, magic sticks.”
The new weather-revelation program, internally code-named Project: Precipitation Upon Precept, has already launched in select Utah stakes. Early adopters report “mild to moderate vibrations” from their rods, with some even claiming that their Rod of Aaron turned slightly southward right before a flash flood hit Spanish Fork.
“Mine lit up near Deseret Industries and led me directly to a clearance rack with rain ponchos,” testified Sister Janelle Christensen of the Eagle Mountain 4th Ward.
Rod training courses are being rapidly developed for missionary zones, and a new youth pamphlet titled Weathering with Faith teaches Aaronic Priesthood holders how to tune their rods for barometric revelation.
Church-owned Deseret Book has already begun stocking replica Rods of Aaron carved from heritage cherry wood, complete with engraved references to D&C 8:6–8 and a bonus USB-C charging port for members with faith smaller than a mustard seed.
Not everyone is convinced since LDS divining rods seem to work best when used by members who have received less “worldly” education and more homeschooling. Experts have observed that divining rods seem to perform better in rural areas.
“One nice thing is, no matter how accurate the divining rods are, the members seem happy,” said Elder Kyle Petterson, an Area Seventy who claims to have once detected a cold front while holding his rod during a particularly reverent rendition of “Come, Come, Ye Saints.” “It’s not information or “facts” we’re after with our rods, it’s the testimony-building experience that really matters.”
As this story was being prepared for print, LDS Leaders were counseled by their rods to continue buying land in Florida that climate scientists warn will be underwater in 20 years.
