PROVO, UT — Despite teaching a class that technically should focus on the nuances of ancient Hebrew scripture, BYU Associate Professor and part-time gaydar deflector Brad Wilcox has reportedly brought up LGBTQ issues “with the same frequency and intensity as someone who once caught feelings for his EFY bunkmate and never recovered,” said an anonymous student.
Students report that Wilcox has claimed in class that suicide rates among LGBTQ Mormons are “normal,” a statement widely considered by psychologists, LGBTQ advocacy groups, and anyone with internet access to be laughably false, a “truly bizarre choice,” and also deeply harmful. LGBTQ Students at all of BYU’s “schools” are still dealing with the anxiety of wondering if “God really made them or not,” due to a key moment in Boyd K. Packer’s Cleansing the Inner Vessel, where Packer arrogantly questions the existence of LGBTQ people (while still talking about gods, demons, angels, and keeping a straight face).
When asked why he continues to make such claims, Wilcox responded, “Look, I have no data, no credentials in psychology, and no reason to weigh in. One of our core beliefs as a church is that this is exactly why I shouldn’t shut up about it.” Wilcox is right, since his only experience prior to BYU was teaching sixth-grade, and since his PhD is in “curriculum and instruction,” he’s made it his mission to show the world how NOT to run a classroom.
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Psychologists suggest that persistent, unprovoked homophobia can be a classic example of projection. When asked if that might apply here, Wilcox reportedly flinched, knocked over a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper, and began loudly humming “A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief,” his hand visibly shaking as he wiped up his spilled “pop.”
“The louder I shout, the straighter I feel,” Wilcox added, staring into the middle distance, possibly imagining a reality where missionary companions were just platonic young men with a shared religious belief.
The LDS Church has declined to comment, though a spokesperson did offer the following: “Brad who?”
When reached for further clarification, Wilcox insisted he is definitely not hiding anything. “It’s totally normal to bring up gay people during a lecture on Mesopotamian flood narratives. You know who else was on the ark? Two of every animal. Stop looking at me like that,” Wilcox said, nervously adjusting his color-coded lecture slides entitled Sodom and Gomorrah: Their Sin Wasn’t Poor City Planning.
Shortly after our interview, Wilcox mentioned something about a lot of grading he had to do and began frantically looking for the “delete history” option in his browser.
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