Culture, History

Church Celebrates, Assumes World’s Descent into 19th-Century Morality Is Their Doing

By LDS News Staff

April 10, 2025

The Mormon Church, who literally "pioneered" American exceptionalism and played a big role in fulfilling Manifest Destiny, is now taking credit for the current "19th Century Imperialism" fad.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints held a jubilant press conference this week, confidently declaring that the global return to 19th-century moral standards is “clearly a sign the world is finally coming around” to their way of life.

“We’re not saying it’s because of us,” said Elder Randall P. Forthright while buttoning his high-collared shirt and readjusting his pocket watch, “but we’re also not not saying it. When you see Trad Wives going viral, people calling for the forceful purchase of Greenland, and politicians talking about ‘manifesting your own destiny’ with unsettling eye contact—we just think it’s a little too on the nose to be coincidence.”

pioneer reenactment — The LDS Church, which trains their children on handcarts, believes that it was their perseverance that led to the socio-political atmosphere that feels so much like the 19th Century, today.

The Church, which has long prided itself on preserving 19th-century fashion, gender roles, and the faint aroma of hardtack, says it feels “vindicated” watching secular society finally embrace the values it’s been awkwardly clinging to for nearly two centuries.

“All we’re saying is, we’ve been preaching modesty, expansionism, and theocratic homesteading for years,” said Sister Maylene Packer, head of the Relief Society’s “Tea Is Still A Sin” committee. “Now the internet’s full of corset tutorials and people talking about how we should totally bring back ‘stand your ground’ frontier justice. Coincidence? We think not.”

Church leaders specifically pointed to several cultural shifts as evidence of their spiritual influence finally penetrating mainstream society:

Trad Wives Movement: “We’ve been training women to suppress dreams since Brigham Young was riding a horse into Salt Lake,” Elder Forthright said. “Now the internet’s doing it for us. We barely even have to guilt-trip teenagers into eternal domesticity anymore.”
Revisionist History of Slavery: “Finally, people are realizing that talking about racism is way more uncomfortable than racism itself,” said Brother Eldon McPhee, an enthusiastic amateur genealogist, semi-pro apologist, and full-time denialist.
Pro-Manifest Destiny Rhetoric: “You wouldn’t believe the smile on President Nelson’s face when someone on cable news called Texas ‘a divine inheritance,’” said Elder Forthright. “Back in our day, we called that a really good Thursday.”
Neo-Imperialism: The Church praised modern politicians’ bizarre obsession with annexing Greenland, noting, “When we tried to colonize Mexico, the federal government freaked out. Now Elon Musk says he wants to terraform the Amazon and people are like, ‘Yes, king.’ Now, tell me we had nothing to do with that,” said a spokesperson who repented later for their harsh sarcastic tone.
Polygamy-Curious TikToks: “We’re not bringing it back officially,” Elder Forthright clarified, “but we have noticed a surge in confused but intrigued male Gen Zers posting ‘Poly Family’ house tours. We just want to say: we walked so your hashtag could run.”

Experts have pointed out that the Church may be misunderstanding the situation, suggesting that today’s regressive cultural trends are more the result of late-stage capitalism, global instability, cults of personality much larger than Mormonism and algorithmic doom spirals than any specific Mormon influence.