Church Leaders Reminisce About 1978 When New Policy Allowed Jesus to Hold Priesthood

SALT LAKE CITY—In a heartwarming display of nostalgia, senior leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gathered this week to reminisce about that unforgettable moment in 1978 when, after much prayer, reflection, and an increased chance of losing tax-exempt status, they decided to extend the priesthood to Jesus Christ and other persons of color.

“Ah, 1978. What a year,” sighed Elder Ronald C. Whittingham, a senior church historian, as he polished a framed picture of the First Presidency looking pensive. “After 148 years of strict policy, Spencer W. Kimball was looking at a map of Nazareth and noticed for the first time it’s in the Middle East. Can you imagine? Jesus—the literal Son of God. Anyway, after President Kimball said Jesus could now have the priesthood and enjoy the blessings of the temple, he immediately called dibs on doing Jesus’s endowments.” Wittingham recounted. “And then Marion G. Romney, who was a notorious rules stickler, reminded President Kimball that, as always, the Celebrity Endowments Lottery was how they’d decide.”

The policy shift, which came via a “revelation” that conveniently aligned with mounting public criticism and the looming threat of losing tax-exempt status, was described by leaders as “miraculous.”

“Before that, it was just the way things were,” explained Elder Jeffrey W. Mortensen. “Even when science caught up to us and we realized Jesus might not be white, we kept barring people of color from saving ordinances because that’s what faithful people do.’”

Despite the historic change, some leaders admitted the transition wasn’t without its challenges.

“I’ll be honest,” said Bishop Leonard Pace, chuckling. “Before the change, Jesus had been performing miracles without the authority of our priesthood and I believe that was the true impetus of the change: so the public would start giving the priesthood a little credit for healing the sick and raising the dead.”

But perhaps even more overlooked than the priesthood itself was the fact that, prior to 1978, Jesus—like all other individuals with similarly dark complexions—wouldn’t have been allowed to enter an LDS temple, a requirement for the highest level of salvation.

“Right, so even if Jesus had been worthy, if he had followed all the commandments, and even if he had been the literal Messiah,” admitted church archivist and lifelong stranger to subtleties Brent Willoughby, “he still wouldn’t have been able to enter the temple.”

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“It was an awkward time,” admitted former missionary and current emeritus Seventy Harold J. Benson. “We’d tell people Jesus led the church, but if they asked whether he could actually go inside the temple, we’d have to change the subject real fast. It was literally a ‘Please don’t ask about blacks and the priesthood’ situation, but even worse since Jesus is a pretty popular historical figure who was recently exposed by online sleuths as non-caucasian.”

Still, despite past missteps, church leaders remain proud of how far the institution has come, with even some Apostles feeling like the Liahona magazine is too woke.

“At the end of the day, we listened, we learned, and we grew,” said Elder Whittingham, adjusting his tie in a sign he was done with this conversation. “And now, thanks to that inspired decision in 1978, we can confidently say that Jesus Christ—our Lord and Savior—would finally be allowed to officiate his own church. We thought we’d start him off as a Deacon though.”