Provo, UT — President Dallin H. Oaks of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints offered his candid assessment of Brigham Young University’s latest study on toxic perfectionism among Latter-day Saints. His verdict? “Needs work.”
The study, published in the December issue of BYU Studies Quarterly, revealed that Latter-day Saints are less likely to experience unhealthy levels of perfectionism compared to other groups. An enormous eye-roll could be felt across Utah as the findings were announced since they seem to challenge the stereotype that church members are perpetually striving for flawlessness, even in their casserole recipes.
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Unsurprisingly, President Oaks, known for his meticulous attention to detail (rumor has it he alphabetizes his spice rack, which consists in its entirety of table salt and sand), found the study’s conclusions less than immaculate. “While the researchers’ efforts are commendable, I believe there’s room for improvement,” he remarked, adjusting a tie that was already perfectly centered.
Oaks, believing he was speaking off the record, also mentioned that people wouldn’t need to be worried about the harsh judgement of others if they’d ‘just follow the commandments.’
Insiders suggest that President Oaks has proposed a follow-up study to examine the levels of perfectionism among BYU researchers themselves. “It’s a classic case of ‘physician, heal thyself,'” quipped one anonymous source. “Or in this case, ‘researcher, perfect thyself.'”
In response, the research team has reportedly entered a phase of intense self-reflection, with some members considering enrolling in their own study’s recommended interventions. “We thought we were just studying toxic perfectionism,” said one researcher. “Turns out, we might be living it.”
One BYU student comforted herself by remembering out loud: “Even Jesus who has suffered all things, has suffered the trauma of being LDS.”
As the debate continues, one thing is clear: at BYU, even the studies on perfectionism are held to, well, perfect standards.
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