In a blindingly faithful move to enhance his apologetic endeavors, renowned Latter-day Saint (LDS) apologist Jacob Hansen has reportedly undergone a ‘Severance’ procedure. The controversial operation which has been made more widely known through the Apple TV+ series of the same name, aims to separate his faith-promoting activities from any knowledge of how honest debates should work or of the historical complexities (aka “facts”) that seem to constantly persecute Hansen’s claims.
The controversial procedure works very similarly to church policy by excommunicating the less-faithful thoughts in order to separate them from the flock of faithful thoughts.
Hansen, celebrated for his Thoughtful Faith YouTube channel, has long been recognized for his unwavering defense of LDS doctrines. His approach often involves a complex regimen of mental gymnastics, skillfully navigating around challenging questions and historical discrepancies with a mastery rarely seen. Some of the moves in his repertoire include ad hominem, hasty generalizations, false dilemmas, appeals to authority, slippery slope and his signature appeal to emotion with a double twist. However, sources close to Hansen suggest that the continuous cognitive acrobatics have taken a toll, leading to his decision to adopt this novel method.
It’s like a Celestial Room inside my brain.
Jacob Hansen’s Outy
“Jacob was spending countless hours inventing reconciliations for an endless barrage of contradictions,” said a confidant who wished to remain anonymous. “The Severance procedure seemed like the perfect solution to streamline his efforts and just separate from that useless baggage of unhelpful facts and good-faith debate completely.”
The procedure, inspired by the dramatized documentary of Lumon Industries’ technology, purportedly enables individuals to compartmentalize their consciousness. In Hansen’s case, it allows him to engage in apologetics without the burden of conflicting information. Critics, however, question the ethical implications of such a method.
I’ve been told this is supposed to be like a Celestial Room inside my brain.
Jacob Hansen’s Inny
“It’s a fascinating concept,” remarked Dr. Donna Scullcap, a cognitive scientist. “But one has to wonder about the long-term effects of deliberately ignoring reality in such a public way. Who is making sure his ‘outy’ doesn’t watch his ‘inny’s’ YouTube videos?”
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Despite the controversy, Hansen remains optimistic. “This procedure allows me to focus entirely on promoting faith without distraction,” he stated in a recent Thoughtful Faith video. “Now, I can engage with critics without the pesky interference of most of my brain.”
As the debate continues, one thing is certain: Jacob Hansen’s commitment to his faith knows no bounds—except for the surgically-induced boundaries of his inny’s consciousness.
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