Warning: This Article Contains a Harry Potter Spoiler.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — In what many are calling “the most egregious spoiler since ‘Snape kills Dumbledore,’” a growing coalition of literary fiction enthusiasts has voiced outrage at Christians—and also—members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—for continuously spoiling the Bible’s climactic twist with the ubiquitous Easter slogan: “He Is Risen!”
“Unbelievable,” said Emily Trenholm, 34, a part-time barista and full-time MFA candidate who had just started reading the New Testament after her wild romp with the Talmud. “I was 75% of the way through the Gospels, and just when I thought Jesus was really dead—bam! ‘He is risen’ bumper sticker in a Deseret Book parking lot. Thanks a lot.”
The backlash began during Mormon Holy Week, when Utah-based billboards, missionary Tik-Toks, and front-yard signs nationwide prominently featured the phrase “He Is Risen,” a marketing campaign critics say essentially gives away the entire second act.
“Imagine watching The Sixth Sense with people shouting ‘He is a ghost!’ at you the entire time,” said Daryl Post, 29, who claims he was “emotionally invested” in the Passion storyline. “The betrayal, the crucifixion—those are real stakes. I realize that the twist is literally Deus Ex Machina, but can we please wait another few hundred years before we start telling everyone what happens?”
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Church leaders have pushed back against the criticism, with one General Authority defending the resurrection spoiler as “more of a thematic foretelling” than a twist, arguing that “Jesus explicitly says he’ll be back like, five times. This isn’t Gone Girl.”
Still, readers argue that the messaging ruins the tension for first-time Bible readers, especially those raised outside the Christian bubble who approach the Gospels as if it came from an ancient culture with foreign beliefs.
“I had just finished the Old Testament, which honestly slaps,” said Lucas Romero, 26, who is into rambling chapters about ‘who begat who’ written in William Burroughs style. “I thought the resurrection might be more of an ambiguous, Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge-style ending. Like, was it real? Was it spiritual? Then I saw a ten-year-old on TikTok shout ‘He is risen!’ and it was all over.”
Mormons and Christians alike believe that they haven’t spoiled “the true ending,” referring to their belief that Jesus will be coming back again. The proposed sequel with this “repeat-twist” however has yet to be written. Though Bible fans from as early as the teens-AD have been expecting this sequel to be out by now, for some reason Mormons and Christians continue to hold their breath.
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