MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — In an unexpected update to its SafeSearch algorithm, Google has begun blurring images of LDS (Latter-day Saint) temples after its AI developed a sudden awareness that the church’s signature 176-foot spires are, in fact, “massive symbolic overcompensations.”
“After running a routine architecture scan, our system flagged several structures as ‘inappropriate’ due to suggestive verticality and an overwhelming aura of insecure patriarchal energy,” said Google spokesperson Jenna Park. “Turns out the AI thought these steeples were spiritually erect in such an aggressive way that it categorized the images as male frontal nudity.”
Google’s image recognition software reportedly identified recurring patterns of “hyper-phallic symbolism” in temples from San Diego to São Paulo, noting that the towering steeples serve no functional purpose except “asserting dominance over the local skyline” and “reminding everyone who’s in charge.”
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“We weren’t trying to be offensive,” said Park. “The algorithm just noticed that these temples were penile in nature, basically shouting ‘LOOK HOW BIG OUR AUTHORITY IS’ in stone. After a human reviewed the situation, we decided there’s just no substantive difference between this and aggressive male nudity.”
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints responded in a statement, insisting that the spires are meant to point heavenward, symbolizing spiritual ascent—not to project power, masculinity, or insecurities about ecclesiastical size. “The Lord commanded us to build upward,” said Church architect Brigham F. Reynolds, “which has absolutely nothing to do with Freud or architectural envy. Any resemblance to a holy skyscraper is purely coincidental.”
SafeSearch users reported mixed results. “I was just trying to show my friend a picture of the Provo City Center Temple,” said BYU student Chad Milleson. “Instead, all I got was a giant blurry box and a warning that said ‘This image may be inappropriate for some viewers.’ Honestly, I’m happy Google has us in their thoughts and prayers.”
As of press time, Google Maps was reportedly working on a fix after its Street View blur feature began censoring ward buildings, stake centers and any religious structure with “overstated upward energy.”
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