SALT LAKE CITY—In what experts are calling a “miraculous display of copy-pasting stamina,” local Latter-day Saint social media enthusiast Bradley Whittle has officially broken the world record for the most times a single testimony has been regurgitated online, hitting an astonishing one million instances of sharing the same block of text across Facebook, Instagram, Quora, Reddit, X and obscure apologetics forums.
“Every day, I wake up, pray, and then immediately refresh my notifications to see who needs my testimony,” said Whittle, proudly stretching his exhausted pinky which he uses to hold down the CTRL key on his computer. “Some people waste time crafting new, personal responses, but I’ve got one response that is permanently seared onto my computer’s clipboard that handles it all. It’s long but it ends with me saying I know this is true which rarely gets any push back for some reason.”
Whittle’s commitment to digital discipleship has not gone unnoticed by the Church. According to sources inside the Church Office Building, the Quorum of the Twelve is currently considering bestowing upon him an honorary calling as the “Online Missionary Zone Leader.” If approved, he will officially be the first member to join the thousands of Latter Day Saints doing the same thing.
“I don’t do this for the recognition,” Whittle insisted, sipping hot chocolate from a mug with his face and the phrase ‘A Marvelous Work and a Wonder’ emblazoned on the side. “I do this because defending the Church against all of the negative press these days is more than a full time job.”
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Whittle’s wife, who asked to remain anonymous due to the fear that people may learn she’s the sole upvoter of his content, expressed some concern. “I love Bradley, but he hasn’t blinked since this Book of Abraham controversy came up.”
Despite the criticism, Whittle remains undeterred. “People think I just mindlessly copy and paste,” he scoffed. “But I change at least one word every few posts to keep things fresh. Jazz musicians call this sort of thing ‘improvising’ but I just call it the spirit working through me.”
When Whittle began this journey he had grand visions of converting the entire internet with his testimony but, undeterred, he is confident that the spiritual gift of viral posting will come to him line upon copy/pasted line.
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