PAYSON, UT — In a deeply earnest confession that left no one surprised, 28-year-old Latter-day Saint (LDS) man Thatcher McBride admitted Wednesday that he doesn’t understand satire, citing the glaring absence of “book-reading” in his homeschool curriculum.
“We skipped Twain because Mom said he rejected the Book of Mormon, plus he smoked. In our curriculum, anything with the word ‘irony’ is explained in the context of wrinkly clothes,” said McBride, adjusting his CTR ring nervously. “I also thought The Onion was some kind of liberal vegetable-based propaganda.”
McBride, who was homeschooled using a mix of LDS seminary manuals, VeggieTales, and a robust stack of Liahona magazines, said he first encountered satire after accidentally clicking on a Babylon Bee article titled ‘LDS Theologians Confirm Apostates Will Be Sent To Outer Darkness Where There Is Only Weeping And Imagine Dragons.’
“I was like, ‘Well duh,’ but then I scrolled down and people were laughing in the comments,” he said, visibly distressed. “Why would they laugh at truth? Unless…it wasn’t truth?”
Health Experts Warn Temple Architecture Linked to Erectile Dysfunction
Experts say McBride’s confusion is not uncommon. According to BYU sociologist Elder Dr. Alma Nephi-Young, satire comprehension among homeschooled LDS adults is “shockingly low,” resulting in LDS people believing all the wrong conspiracy theories.
“We tried introducing The Simpsons as a learning tool in 2018,” said Nephi-Young, “but most students ended up testifying during fast and testimony meeting about how Bart’s journey from being a class clown to a complex sympathetic character reminded them of Alma the Younger.”
McBride says he’s now working hard to understand satire, though the process has been difficult. “I used to watch that Colbert guy religiously when he was on Comedy Central until he sold out, got on CBS and switched political parties on us.”
When asked if he had plans to read A Modest Proposal, McBride replied, “I’m always open to new recipes, as long as it doesn’t tempt me to break the Word of Wisdom.”
