BOUNTIFUL, UT — In a startling departure from generations of doctrinal self-perception, local Latter-day Saint Gerrit Young confirmed Sunday that he no longer feels the least bit peculiar, despite decades of reassurances from church leadership that he absolutely should.
“I guess I just woke up one day and realized… I don’t feel all that different,” said Young, 34, who attends his local ward, drives a Honda Odyssey, and has a favorite Costco location. “I mean, I pay tithing, avoid coffee, and know all the words to ‘Come, Come, Ye Saints.’ But the last time I mentioned not drinking at a work lunch, my coworker just said, ‘Oh, nice, my sister’s sober too.’ It kind of took the wind out of my sails.”
For over a century, Latter-day Saints have proudly referred to themselves as a “peculiar people,” a biblical term repurposed by leaders to highlight the faith’s distinctiveness. But with the proliferation of wellness trends, multilevel marketing moms, and Instagram sobriety influencers, many members report feeling distressingly mainstream.
“I used to tell people I spent two years in Argentina as a missionary, and they’d look at me like I was from Mars,” said Young. “Now they just ask if I got really into Malbec and plant-based empanadas. When I tell them I didn’t drink, they act like I’m some kind of life coach.”
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Church historians note that the peculiar label once applied to doctrines like plural marriage, abstinence from alcohol, and a deeply ingrained belief that God cares about BYU football. But recent studies show the average Latter-day Saint is increasingly indistinguishable from sober suburbanites practicing intermittent fasting.
“I think the problem is, society just kind of caught up to us,” said BYU sociology professor Dr. Lyle Farnsworth. “A hundred years ago, not drinking was weird. Now half the people at your office party are sipping mocktails and posting about their ‘Dry January’ journey on TikTok. It’s hard to feel like a peculiar treasure when you’re basically a wellness blogger in Dockers.”
Young admits he’s begun trying to recover some sense of alienation by refusing to watch R-rated movies and exclusively listening to K-Love during his morning commute. Still, the results have been mixed.
“I told my neighbor I don’t watch Game of Thrones because of the nudity, and he was like, ‘Oh yeah, I don’t either. I don’t need that male-gaze-thirst-trap energy in my life.’ What am I supposed to do with that?”
In the meantime, church leaders have reassured members that they can still feel spiritually unique by quietly judging others’ caffeine intake or by critiquing other people’s tattoos for slightly too long at the gym.
“Ultimately, being peculiar is about what’s in your heart,” said local bishop Craig Bowman. “Even if society starts dressing like us, eating like us, and watching the same mommy bloggers as us — deep down, you can always feel just a little better than everyone else.”
At press time, Young was seen enthusiastically explaining that he still uses Venmo instead of Cash App for purely theological reasons.
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