In what researchers are calling a groundbreaking revelation sure to rock potlucks from Provo to Pocatello, a new study has found that members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are no more likely to consume green Jello than any other group of Americans.
The study, conducted by the American Institute of Arbitrary Statistics, examined the gelatin consumption habits of over 10,000 individuals across the country. Despite decades of persistent stereotypes linking Utah’s dominant religious population to lime-flavored gelatin molds with suspended pineapple chunks, the data suggests that Mormons have no particular affinity for the wobbly dessert.
“We were honestly shocked,” said Dr. Karen Whitmore, lead researcher on the study. “We expected to find a statistically significant preference for green Jello among LDS participants, possibly alongside an unusually high tolerance for shredded carrots in gelatin. But what we found is that everyone, Mormon or not, generally only eats green Jello when it’s the only option left at the church social.”
The study further dispelled rumors that Mormon households keep industrial-sized boxes of Jello powder tucked between their wheat storage and cans of cream of mushroom soup. “In fact, most respondents couldn’t even remember the last time they ate green Jello,” Whitmore added. “Though there was a small but notable increase in Jello salad consumption among anyone who had attended a funeral luncheon in the past six months.”
President Nelson Reportedly Hasn’t Found His Keys Since 2008
Local LDS member Chad Wilkinson, 42, expressed relief at the findings. “I feel like we’ve carried the green Jello stereotype for too long. Honestly, I haven’t touched the stuff since my mission. These days, I’m more of an artisan sourdough guy.”
Despite the data, some say the stereotype is too deeply ingrained to disappear overnight. “I just can’t accept it,” said Janet Clegg, 67, while meticulously arranging grapes inside a Tupperware mold. “Green Jello is part of our culture. What’s next, a study saying Mormons don’t secretly love funeral potatoes?”
The research team plans to expand their investigation next year with a follow-up study into whether Lutheran church basements really serve the highest concentration of coffee and ham sandwiches per square foot in the continental United States.
Get our sacred insights hot off the press.
We'll never sell your information or ask for 10% of your income. Privacy Policy
