BEMIDJI, MN — In what local leaders are calling “a deeply humbling moment in the dispensation of the fullness of times,” the North Minnesota Ward of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints — a ward formed after five successive consolidations — held sacrament meeting this Sunday with exactly four people in attendance.
Many are called. A few are broken.
(Soon to Be Branch President) Bishop Kent Durlacher
“We were promised a falling away in the last days,” said Bishop Kent Durlacher, squinting through the frosty air in the frigid converted warehouse that the ward now rents hourly from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. “And I testify to you today, that falling away has not only begun — it has climaxed. And it climaxed right here in Bemidji, at 9:07 a.m., when no one showed up to unlock the building but me.”
The sacrament service was held in the building’s furnace-adjacent utility closet, the only space where breath didn’t visibly fog. Despite the bishop’s offer of heated folding chairs, only three other ward members arrived: longtime stalwart Sister Jeanette Sorensen, teenager Tyler Z., and local ward mainstay Gary “Bud” Lefebvre, a registered sex offender and self-declared “ministering angel in training.”
Sister Sorensen, who has held 11 callings simultaneously since 1994, described the moment as “bittersweet,” adding, “We used to have three deacons, a Mia Maid, and a lady named Carol who wore pants and scared people. Now it’s just us, the bishop’s tearful optimism, and Bud’s disturbing casserole.”
Seventeen-year-old Tyler was bribed into attendance with the promise of using the bishop’s phone hotspot to play Call of Duty in the clerk’s office during Sunday School. Tyler had also been promised the sacrament bread would be Little Caesar’s Crazy Bread if he showed up. “I bore my testimony once,” Tyler said, sipping from a thermos of Diet Mountain Dew. “It was about Minecraft. I think it moved someone. They kept moving out the door and we haven’t seen them since.”
Then there’s Bud. A convert from Duluth with an unsettling smile and boxes of well-word Friend magazines in his trunk “just in case,” Bud has offered to lead Primary, run Young Women’s, and “host personal interviews” with any new teenage investigators. His name appears on two Church safety watchlists and one state registry and Bishop Durlacher is grateful for his enthusiasm.
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The North Minnesota Ward was formed last year after combining the Bemidji, Brainerd, and “Greater Frostbite” branches, which once stretched across 140 miles and two time zones. Despite its geographical size, the ward now fits comfortably inside a Subaru Forester.
In response to dwindling numbers, the bishopric recently launched a “Bring a Friend, Get a Muffin” initiative, which failed after someone brought imaginary friends and demanded gluten-free muffins.
Still, Bishop Durlacher remains hopeful. “Zion wasn’t built in a day,” he said. “And apparently, it’s not getting built on this continent anytime soon. But we will press forward. Even if that pressing involves me passing, blessing, and partaking of the sacrament alone while Bud makes unsettling eye contact.”
