SALT LAKE CITY — With the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints updating women’s temple garment designs, exposing more of the upper arm, a growing number of members are now expressing confident theological opinions they absolutely just came up with.
“Garments were never about modesty,” said Instagram user @EndowedAndEmpowered, uploading a story of herself in a sleeveless blouse captioned “#GarmentGlowUp.” “It’s about sacred covenants. Always has been. Which is why I’m excited for lace-back, low-rise garment thongs. They aren’t officially announced yet but it’s just a matter of time.”
Her proposed design — which features exactly three square centimeters of fabric just above the tailbone — is said to be ideal for beach days, pole fitness, and “the hotter parts of the Terrestrial Kingdom.”
Church members online have been quick to back the movement, posting memes like “Covenants, Not Cardigans” and “Eve only needed one fig leaf.”
Leaders at Church Headquarters have not commented on the new modesty discourse, but sources say the correlation department is “monitoring the situation while quietly dry-heaving.”
The SCMC (Strengthening Church Members Committee) were able to save eleven file cabinets-worth of space since upper arms are now decriminalized.
Members were also quick to point out that there’s nothing modest about their lavish temples.
Still, not everyone is on board. “I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel the Spirit when someone’s loins are making eye contact with me during Gospel Doctrine,” said Sister Ruth Weller, 68, who wears double garments “for protection and warmth.”
Progressive members are suspicious, wondering if the change is meant to expose tattoos that were once thought to be forever safe and hidden from the concerned eyes of faithful loved ones with big mouths. Despite criticism, progressive members remain optimistic. “We’re not trying to sexualize the garment,” said TikTok influencer and freelance modesty consultant Brooklyn Grace. “We’re just trying to spiritualize the sexualization. There’s a difference.”
When asked where the line would be drawn, she responded confidently: “We usually just look at cultural norms and then march it back 30 years. You know, like when in 1978 we decided Jesus could finally have the priesthood.”
