WASHINGTON, DC — A new poll has revealed that Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s Broadway musical The Book of Mormon paints a more positive image of the LDS Church than the church’s own young missionary force, who continue to sabotage their own reputations by existing.
The poll, conducted by the In-The-Pew Research Center, found that non-members exposed to the satirical musical came away with a “somewhat amused” and “mildly weirded out” impression of Mormonism, while those who had actual interactions with missionaries described them as “cringe,” “passive-aggressive,” and “at least slightly criminal.”
“Honestly, the Book of Mormon musical made me think Mormons were just plucky, wide-eyed optimists,” said one respondent, Megan L., of Denver. “Then, two 18-year-olds showed up at my door, and one was clearly suppressing an energy drink-induced panic attack while the other tried—and failed—to hide that he had stolen a lighter off my front porch.”
Social Media: Where Faith Meets Secondhand Embarrassment
Church leaders hoped to improve missionary efforts through social media outreach, but experts say these efforts have only made things worse.
“I once thought Mormon missionaries were polite, well-mannered young men,” said marketing analyst Jordan F., “but then I saw Elder Dalton’s Instagram reel of him rapping about the Restoration while awkwardly dancing in front of the Provo temple, and I had to rethink everything.”
“It’s like they’re behaving like influencers but later you find out they’re just unpaid door-to-door Bible salesman,” Jordan added.
Missionary Efforts Continue to Include Petty Crimes and Accidental Surveillance
The poll also cited increasing reports of missionaries being caught engaging in dubious activities, with some Latter-day Saints questioning whether two years of hyper-regulated boredom might be leading to more rebellious behavior.
“We’ve had multiple cases of missionaries ‘accidentally’ taking Amazon packages off porches,” said Salt Lake City Police spokesperson Craig Manning. “When we confronted one, he claimed he thought he was ‘helping with a service project.’”
In another incident, a pair of missionaries in Houston were caught on a Ring doorbell camera making fun of the family they had just preached to.
“Bro, did you see that guy’s beer can collection? He needs the Word of Wisdom more than anyone,” Elder Sorenson said before being shushed by his companion, who then waved awkwardly at the camera while slowly backing away.
Church Leaders Unsure How to Proceed
Despite their best efforts to reform the image of missionary work, church leaders have admitted that the Book of Mormon musical’s fictional portrayal—where clueless but lovable missionaries end up inspiring people through sheer naivety—has actually done more for public relations than any of their official initiatives.
“We were hesitant about the musical at first, but compared to real-life Elders tripping over their own bicycles and accidentally messaging ‘You up?’ to investigators, it’s honestly a net positive,” admitted one high-ranking church official, speaking on condition of anonymity.
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