PROVO, UT – Religious scholars at Brigham Young University were left dumbfounded this week after discovering a long-lost diary entry from Joseph Smith revealing that the final step of the LDS Temple Endowment Ceremony—where a participant knocks with a rubber mallet to gain entrance into the Celestial Kingdom—was originally designed to end with a knock-knock joke.
The diary, dated 1843, describes Smith’s vision of an angel instructing him on the temple’s design, including a “highly engaging” conclusion in which members prove their worthiness through a well-crafted punchline and comic timing.
“Yea, thou shalt knock upon the veil thrice with great gusto, and upon hearing the voice of the Lord, thou shalt say, ‘Knock, knock.’ And lo, if the Lord doth reply, ‘Who’s there?’ thou shalt give the Lord thy greatest zinger.”
Historians were particularly intrigued by the passage explaining that early temple-goers were required to complete the joke before being granted exaltation. The fate of “lame jokers” is unclear.
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Freemasonry or Free-Use?
The diary also provides shocking insight into the origins of the temple’s secret handshakes and tokens, which have long been subjects of debate. According to Smith’s writing, the elaborate gestures were inspired by his brief but highly enthusiastic stint with the Freemasons, a group known for its secretive rituals and firm handshakes.
“Verily, I say unto you, the Masons really do have some neat ideas, and it would be a shame if someone were to… borroweth them.”
The entry then goes on to describe how early temple initiates were instructed to grasp hands in increasingly complex ways, ultimately culminating in what Smith called “The Sure Sign of a Really Awkward First Date.”
One early draft of the endowment script reportedly contained a segment in which patrons, after completing all the handshakes, were required to do a double high-five, spin in a circle, and then whisper, ‘Tell Brigham it was me.’ This portion was later removed due to concerns that members were looking “less like the Lord’s anointed and more like a group of dads trying to learn a TikTok dance.”
Reactions to the Revelation
Church leadership has yet to comment on whether the newly discovered material will be incorporated into future temple ceremonies, but a leaked memo suggests the First Presidency is considering replacing the current solemn temple robes with tuxedos and white gloves in a subtle nod to their Masonic origins.
Reactions among members have been mixed. Longtime temple worker Brother Steven Hathaway expressed concerns, saying:
“Honestly, it’s already nerve-wracking enough to remember all the handshakes. Now I have to land a joke, too?”
Others, however, have embraced the discovery.
“It makes total sense,” said lifelong member Sister Linda Farnsworth. “I always suspected God had a sense of humor. I mean, just look at the outside of the Temple.”
Despite the controversy, the newly uncovered diary pages do settle one long-debated theological question: it turns out, in the highest levels of the Celestial Kingdom, God does, in fact, have a sense of humor.
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