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missionaries ICE

LDS Church Protests ICE Arrests: “They are too hard to baptize behind bars.”

July 15, 2025

A couple of Mormon Missionaries sneak into an ICE detention camp to get in a few contacts.

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temple dinner rolls

Independent Study Uncovers New Reason Why People Leave the LDS Church: Dinner Rolls Discontinued at Temples

July 11, 2025

Now that researchers have learned that testimonies are largely food-based, they face a moral dilemma of whether to make this dangerous knowledge widely known.

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pro-natalist Kevin Dolan

Deseret Nationalists (DezNats) Plan to Grow Their Hive Mind by Shrinking Their Gene Pool

July 6, 2025

Pictured: Kevin Dolan, Deseret Nationalist and poster-child of the “positive” effects of inbreeding.

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immigration case worker

Unemployed Immigration Service People Find Work Helping Recent Ex-Mormons Adjust to Planet Earth

July 3, 2025

Pictured: Veronica Gomez-Trujillo, a former immigration case worker, helps an Ex-Mormon with the paperwork required to leave the Mormon church. She has struggled to find work as immigrants hide in false floors and hot attics to avoid being sent to an alligator-policed concentration camp.

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revelation family room

LDS Church Unveils Massive “Family Room of Temple Square” Shortly After Posting 1886 Polygamy Revelation Online

July 1, 2025

With the posting of the 1886 polygamy revelation immediately ahead of unveiling “Temple Square’s Family Room” outside observers brace for a big announcement.

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retzlaff

LDS Church Teaches Atonement Lesson By Excommunicating Jake Retzlaff’s Ex-Girlfriend to Pay For His Sins

June 28, 2025

Jake Retzlaff hopes to finish reading The Miracle of Forgiveness in time for summer practice.

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Ryder Lyons

LDS Church Leaders Offer Young Talented Athletes the 1-Year “McMission” Item From The Secret Menu

June 26, 2025

Ryder Lyons has begun carrying a Book of Mormon wherever he goes (instead of a football) in order to perfect his grip and lightning scripture-finding abilities.

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nelson ai feature image

As President Nelson Loses Cognitive Function, Church Leaders Pray That AI Technology Is “Convincing Enough” by October’s General Conference

June 25, 2025

As President Nelson begins taping his October address now in hopes of coming up with enough cohesive material that can be stitched together, church leaders fast and pray that AI can fill in the gaps.

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electroshock therapy joseph smith

LDS Church Proudly Claims Electro-Shock Therapy As Moroni’s Invention, Used to Zap Greed Out of Joseph Smith

June 24, 2025

History books were updated today as LDS Historians proudly claimed Moroni to be the origin of the cruel behavioral therapy practice that mormons believe taught Joseph Smith to be less greedy over 4 years.

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Door knocker defensive end

BYU Recruits Defensive End Famous For Getting Past Doors as a Missionary

June 23, 2025

Pictured: Bradyn K. Swenson, right, is seen on his mission preparing to “sack for the Lord” by bull running whoever answers the door.

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