PROVO, UT — Local temple worker Greg Mortensen has reportedly refused to vacate the Elko, Nevada LDS Temple, claiming he has legal rights to the property after going months without encountering another human being inside the sacred structure.
“I started sleeping in the celestial room around September when I noticed the vending machines in the break room were being restocked less and less,” said Mortensen, settling into a makeshift bed constructed from white temple robes and endowment session cushions. “By October, I hadn’t seen a patron in weeks. Honestly, I thought they were phasing out the whole temple system like home teaching.”
Despite frequent requests from security and the lone member of the temple presidency still reporting for duty every third Thursday, Mortensen maintains that his presence is doing more good than harm.
“Someone’s gotta keep the lights on. The Lord’s house has bills to pay, and those eternal flame chandeliers aren’t gonna dust themselves,” he said while refilling the baptismal font for what he estimated to be the fifth time since Thanksgiving. “Besides, I’ve been the only one here for months anyway. Doesn’t that technically make me the temple president now?”
Lawyers from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints were quick to point out that Utah law no longer operates on hobo rules, at least not since the early 2000s.
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The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which currently operates 350 temples worldwide with 97 more announced or under construction, issued a brief statement regarding the situation:
“We remind Brother Mortensen and all members that temples are houses of the Lord, not open-concept studio apartments. We encourage Greg to return to his assigned ward meetings, where there is always room for everyone—especially since 78% of the ward council has been serving in the same callings since the Romney campaign.”
Experts say Mortensen’s case highlights a growing trend as the Church continues its ambitious temple construction spree despite temple recommend holders dwindling faster than BYU students’ wedding engagements. The two temple recommend holders in Elko now reside at the city’s nursing home and are unlikely to attend any time soon.
“It’s sort of like if Microsoft kept opening up retail locations even though nobody’s buying Zunes anymore,” said religious sociologist Dr. Karen Reynolds. “At this point, there may soon be more temple square footage than active members, which could lead to the first surplus celestial kingdom in recorded (eternal) history.”
For now, Mortensen plans to continue his solitary stewardship.
“I’ve been praying about it, and I feel prompted to stay here until the Second Coming… or at least until they build a Maverik gas station next door.”
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