In this nostalgic return to its roots, the Church hopes to follow Joseph Smith’s example who always followed the counsel from his rod.
Brad Wilcox, known for his BYU Devotional talk “His Grace Is Sufficient” wants to remind you on a daily basis that Jesus’s grace will not be sufficient for LGBTQ people.
Web Analytics Specialist Adam Lindstrom is ready to pack it up and call it a day after seeing their first web visit spend exactly 7 seconds on the site. Outside observers question who mormonr.org is actually for.
Pictured: LDS Church leaders humbly downsized the Fairview, TX temple proposal, now with only half of the temple’s square footage existing in the steeple. The forced move towards humility is an afront to Mormon religious practices.
After Nathaniel Bensen complained that “over-sensitivity has robbed my friends of a sense of humor,” a friend gently pushed back, causing Nathaniel to spiral into weeks of seclusion.
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Elder Holland has had a “come to Jesus moment” after realizing that “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” See article for more cliches.
Pictured: Jake Larsen of Boise misses the days when they just pushed handcarts.
The “Malachi 3:10 Promise” which is scheduled to be fulfilled every year on the second week of April, is proof that self-fulfilling prophecies really do come true.
[Pictured: LDS Woman lives in athleisure outfits 6 days a week to avoid wearing garments] The Church admits shock, not just that members still take garments seriously, but also that they’ve created a complex strategy to stop wearing them while still claiming they wear them.
Pictured Above: Singles attempt to concentrate during an opening prayer as the recording of a mother whisper-yelling for her kids to behave plays over the loud speakers.
The talk, which many are calling a new low even for an Apostle, illustrates the need and usefulness of modern revelation in order to know exactly how much lower is possible to go.
The Mormon Church, who literally “pioneered” American exceptionalism and played a big role in fulfilling Manifest Destiny, is now taking credit for the current “19th Century Imperialism” fad.
The early-morning Ward Council meeting, which is usually meant to wake up ward leaders through lively gossip, came to a chaotic ending.
The bad news is there’s been nobody carrying Jeremy Callister through his trials and tribulations, but the good news is that nobody’s been carrying Callister through his trials and tribulations.
The man who says ‘marijuana is a crutch’ now needs more than just a crutch to walk, but that doesn’t slow him down from imposing 19th-century food science on everyone else.
As the LDS Church attempts to counter-balance Starbuck locations with temples, small town zoning departments across the US are tuning into General Conference to find out if their small town is next.
Bradley Whittle, whose ambition has always been to hack the spiritual conversion continuum, has really done it this time.
Trevor Jensen is pretty sure this time things are different and he’ll be able to win this holy war against his body.
Members are now including the AI Bot “Moron.ai” in their prayers in hopes that they too can witness a faith-promoting hallucination.
The new mascot is undisputedly more terrifying than a cougar and BYU officials hope that being true to their Pioneer heritage might also serve as an intimidation tactic.
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